


lethobenthos

by gwencelot



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 17:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwencelot/pseuds/gwencelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> <i>He was always hoping for something that could never be.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	lethobenthos

_  
**lethobenthos**  
_  
 __                                                                                              n. the habit of forgetting how important someone is to you until you see them again  
                                                                                            in person, making you wish your day would begin with a "previously on" recap of your  
                                                                                           life's various plot arcs, and end with "to be continued..." after those will-they-won't-they  
                                                                                          cliffhanger episodes that air just before the show goes back into months of repeats.  
  


It’s raining when Carlos wakes up.

It doesn’t bother him like it used to; the _pitter patter_ of drops on the window pane aren’t a distraction ( _you should be recording, not goofing around, dogs_ ), the gloomy sky isn’t an excuse to stay in bed ( _we’ll all be late, got to run, see you –_ ), and the wet grass isn’t a mess waiting to happen ( _how did you get those stains, boys, the concert starts in ten minutes_ ).

It isn’t just a bothersome weather condition.

It is a reminder.

Carlos is slow to walk to his closet and pull down the boxes; the layer of dust covering them is nearly suffocating. He has a box for each of them ( _because like it or not, we are a family_ ) and he handles them all carefully, each touch a memory.

Because it’s not like he wants to forget everything – it’s not like he can erase that part of his life. But sometimes he wakes up and he forgets that there were once five other people in his house ( _can’t anyone get any privacy around here?_ ) and two more just a call away ( _you’re like our studio parents, come on, you love it_ ). He forgets there was once more to life than a dead-end job ( _the coolest job in the world_ ) and cold pizza for dinner ( _fish sticks – with tots!_ ).

But he never forgets that he was once part of something bigger.

( _We’re closer than brothers, you guys are a part of me, I –_ )

But that was once.

And Logan promised _forever_ but now he’s busy with his book of medical terms and his head full of saving people (and Carlos wonders who will save him).

And Kendall promised _forever_ but now he has twenty other guys to keep him company (and everyone knows four is good but twenty is better).

And James promised _forever_ but now he has five houses and can barely remember his name through all the smoke (and this maybe hurts the most).

And Carlos is no genius but he knows that forever was supposed to be longer than this.

But while he’s been holding on, they’ve already forgotten. He picks up the boxes one by one (by one) and stacks them neatly once again. It’s still raining.

Carlos opens the window (and his eyes and his mouth), breathes in the cold air, and remembers.

(Because there is no such thing as forgetting.)


End file.
